


the sluts™ of jericho

by sabisun



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Group chat, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabisun/pseuds/sabisun
Summary: (North added Markus, Connor, Josh, Nines and Simon to the conversation)(North has named this conversation the sluts™ of jericho)North:HEY SLUTS!!!Josh:whyMarkus:north what the fuck





	the sluts™ of jericho

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! welcome to this useless crack fic :D I have no excuse for this really. 
> 
> And for those wondering, 'take us down' chapter 2 is still in progress, I haven't abandoned it, don't worry. It's just that uni is kicking my ass so. This was kind of a stress relief for me.
> 
> I'm sorry if this isnt funny I tried my best sldfjsdlf

_(North added Markus, Connor, Josh, Nines and Simon to the conversation)_

_(North has named this conversation the sluts™ of jericho)_

**North:** HEY SLUTS!!!

 **Josh:** why

 **Markus:** north what the fuck

_(Nines has left the conversation)_

**Connor:** NINES COME BACK HERE AND SUFFER WITH US

_(Connor has added Nines to the conversation)_

_(Nines has left the conversation)_

_(Connor has added Nines to the conversation)_

**Nines:** I hate you.

 **Connor:** ;) 

**Simon:** north why did you make a group chat? we see each other everyday? 

**Josh:** yea wtf is this 

**North:** wELL

 **North:** EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO TALK TO YOU GUYS 

**North:** MY BEST FRIENDS

 **North:** MY BEST PALS

 **Connor:** pals???

 **Markus:** she just wants to annoy us at every hour of the day 

**North:** R U D E

 **Connor:** i didnt even know androids had a group chat option 

**Nines:** I believe that’s common knowledge among androids. This prototype seems to be a little behind.

 **Connor:** fuck you 

**Nines:** ;) 

**Markus:** hey! nines be nice

 **Connor:** yea be nice you fucker

 **Nines:** You only defend him because he’s your husband. 

**Markus:** and what about it???

 **Markus:** i have a bomb ass husband of course im gonna defend him

 **Connor:** <3 <3 <3

 **Connor:** i love and support my husband

 **Markus:** i love you too babe <3

 **North:** SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOM ;)))

 **Josh:** NORTH 

**Simon:** dammit nines 

**Nines:** I’m sorry for starting this. 

**Connor:** fuck you guys 

**Connor:** we’ll be as sappy as we want

 **Connor:** right markus??

 **Markus:** right love <3 

**Connor:** <3

 **Nines:** As someone who likes proper grammar and punctuation, I just want to say this one thing so I can get my point across:

 **Nines:** Y’all are gross.

 **Josh:** LASDJKFSLDF 

**North:** DAAAAMN

 **Markus:** we’re not gross!!

 **Markus:** WE’RE ADORABLE

 **Connor:** HELL YEAH WE ARE 

**Josh:** how did we get here

 **Simon:** Nines...

 **Nines:** I can’t fix this, I tried. I’m sorry. 

**Connor:** theres nothing TO fix

 **Nines:** Hmph. Jerk.

 **Connor:** brat???

 **Simon:** markus, the fearless leader of new jericho, is saying adorable

 **Markus:** well its true we are

 **Markus:** idk why youre surprised??? 

**North:** ugh WHIPPED

 **Markus:** OF COURSE I AM?? HES MY HUSBAND??

 **Josh:** yes please tell us youre husbands for the hundredth time

 **Josh:** we were there for the wedding if you guys didnt notice 

**North:** they didnt 

**North:** they were too busy looking into each others eyes and crying while reciting their vows

 **Connor:** it was one tear. ONE TEAR 

**Markus:** i saw more than one tear you cant fool me love

 **Connor:** ok fine i cried

 **Connor:** but only because of markus’ beautiful vows

 **Markus:** awwww <3 

**Markus:** your vows were beautiful too

 **Markus:** and idk if you noticed but i was crying when you were walking down the aisle 

**Connor:** oh i noticed <333

 **Connor:** i love you <3 

**Markus:** i love you too <3 

**Simon:** this is worse than when you were pining for each other

 **Simon:** and that was painful

 **Markus:** hey we’re not THAT bad 

**Markus:** so stop complaining

 **North:** oof i felt that

 **Nines:** Oh no.

 **Simon:** shit sorry

 **Markus:** no fuck

 **Markus:** im sorry i didnt mean to sound like that

 **Simon:** its ok i get it dont worry

 **Josh:** shit hes pulling out the Disappointed Dad™ everyone aBORT

 **Markus:** what

 **Connor:** hes a Hot Disappointed Dad™ 

**Markus:** w h a t

 **Josh:** why

 **Josh:** just why

 **Connor:** :)))

_(Connor has changed Markus’ name to Hot Disappointed Dad™)_

**Hot Disappointed Dad™:** W H A T

 **Josh:** i regret my life choices

 **North:** I TAUGHT MY BOY WELL 

**Connor:** i got it only from the best :)

 **North:** :D

 **Nines:** How are we brothers again?

 **Connor:** :P

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** connor babe no

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** w h y

 **Connor:** because it’s true ;)

 **Simon:** can you keep it in the bedroom please????

_(North has changed Connor’s name to thot)_

**thot:** nORTH

 **thot:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

 **North:** AM I WRONG THO

 **thot:** YES

_(thot has changed their name to markus’ thot)_

**markus’ thot:** thats better

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** C O N N O R

 **North:** YOU GOT ME THERE

 **North:** MY BOY IS ALL GROWN UP

 **Josh:** i wanna die

 **Simon:** i hate you guys

_(Nines has left the conversation)_

**Simon:** FUCK NO YOURE COMING BACK

_(Simon has added Nines to the conversation)_

**Nines:** Simon, I thought we were friends.

 **Nines:** Why must you betray me like this?

 **Simon:** you suffer with us asshole

 **markus’ thot:** excellent 

**markus’ thot:** my only goal in life is to make nines suffer

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** ok babe you’ve succeeded

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** now can you please change it

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** to anything but that

 **Josh:** please liSTEN TO HIM

 **North:** keep it ya pussy

 **Josh:** NORTH STOP

 **markus’ thot:** aw but thats no fun :(

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** please? for me?

 **Hot Disappointed Dad™:** and change mine too?

 **markus’ thot:** fineee only for you

_(Markus’ thot has changed their name to Connor)_

_(Connor has changed Hot Disappointed Dad™’s name to Markus)_

**Markus:** thank you <3

 **Connor:** <3

 **Josh:** THANK RA9

 **North:** w e a k

 **Simon:** pls north spare us 

**Connor:** i had to 

**North:** yea yea save the excuses coward

_(Markus has changed Connor’s name to adorable cinnamon roll)_

**adorable cinnamon roll:** ASDLFJNSDF

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** MARKUS

 **Markus:** <3

 **Markus:** i love my adorable cinnamon roll

 **North:** gay

 **Simon:** thanks for pointing out the obvious

 **Josh:** FUCK WHEN WILL THIS END

 **North:** i liked the other name better

 **Nines:** Of course you would.

 **North:** it had class, this is just too cute it hurts 

**Markus:** why thank you north

 **North:** bitch

_(adorable cinnamon roll has changed Markus’ name to sexy sinnamon roll)_

**North:** NOW THATS MORE LIKE IT

 **Josh:** IM SO DONE

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** ASLDFJS CONNOR

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** what did you expect

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** besides its only fair :)

 **North:** damn you aRE ONE THIRSTY HOE

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** of course ;)

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** it is markus after all 

**North:** VALID 

**Nines:** Why must you share so much information?

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** i want you to s u f f e r

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** love pls

 **Nines:** And all of you say I’m the cold one.

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** shut up >:( 

**Simon:** hes more like an aggressive cinnamon roll

 **North:** an adorably aggressive cinnamon roll

_(North has changed adorable cinnamon roll’s name to adorably aggressive cinnamon roll)_

_(adorably aggressive cinnamon roll has changed their name to adorable cinnamon roll)_

**adorable cinnamon roll:** i prefer keeping this name thank you very much

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** aww <3

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** <3

 **North:** w h i p p e d

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** you got that right

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** you like your name tho markus?

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** i mean--

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** id be lying if i said no

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** :DDDDDDDD

 **Josh:** i do not need this

 **North:** come on joshy boi you should be used to this by now

 **Josh:** joshy boi????

_(North has changed Josh’s name to joshy boi)_

**joshy boi:** N O

 **joshy boi:** DONT START THIS

_(joshy boi has changed their name to Josh)_

_(North has changed Josh’s name to joshy boi)_

**joshy boi:** NORTH PLS

_(North has changed joshy boi’s name to joshy boi is Tired™)_

**joshy boi is Tired™:** …

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** fine ill accept this

 **North:** :)

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** :)

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** hey husband looks like we’re not the only flirts in this group chat ;)

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** i think youre right husband

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** hEY

 **North:** CONNOR

 **Nines:** Please stop this fuckery.

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** never

 **Simon:** whyyy

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** the real question is why not???

 **North:** I WILL MURDER YOU

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** we’re nOT FLIRTING

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** riiiiiiiiiight

 **North:** markus dont even--

_(sexy sinnamon roll has changed North’s name to south is in Denial™)_

**sexy sinnamon roll:** now you both have trademarks :D

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** i support my smart mans

 **south is in Denial™:** :/

_(south is in Denial™ has removed sexy sinnamon roll from the conversation)_

**adorable cinnamon roll:** LASDJFSLADJF

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** SOUTH HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY HUSBAND

_(south is in Denial™ has removed adorable cinnamon roll from the conversation)_

**south is in Denial™:** ah peace

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** finally

 **Simon:** wow harsh

 **Nines:** Don’t worry, Simon, this is for the greater good.

_(south is in Denial™ has changed their name to north is the Queen™)_

**joshy boi is Tired™:** nice

 **north is the Queen™:** why thank you

 **Nines:** *sigh*

_PM with Markus_

**Markus:** hey what the fuck

 **Connor:** they kicked me out too :(

 **Markus:** :(

 **Markus:** i guess they cant handle the Truth

 **Connor:** they did this to us when we werent together yet

 **Connor:** theyre weak

 **Markus:** you say it babe

 **Connor:** <3

_(Connor has changed Markus’ name to sexy leader husband)_

**sexy leader husband:** aww con

 **sexy leader husband:** im always gonna be sexy to you huh

 **Connor:** always <3

_(sexy leader husband has changed Connor’s name to adorably bamf husband)_

**adorably bamf husband:** bamf??

 **sexy leader husband:** youre a cute badass

 **sexy leader husband:** what can i say

 **sexy leader husband:** youre cute AND incredibly hot when you fight

 **adorably bamf husband:** :’)

 **adorably bamf husband:** youre gonna make me cry from happiness

 **sexy leader husband:** making you happy is the goal <3333

 **adorably bamf husband:** <33333

 **sexy leader husband:** you coming home soon? 

**adorably bamf husband:** what, you miss me?? ;)

 **sexy leader husband:** OF COURSE I DO

 **adorably bamf husband:** SJDFHSLDJ

 **adorably bamf husband:** :’’’’)

 **adorably bamf husband:** i miss you too

 **sexy leader husband:** :D

 **adorably bamf husband:** they let you off early today?

 **sexy leader husband:** more like i left because i got tired of politicians using androids as tools for their own gains

 **adorably bamf husband:** ah

 **adorably bamf husband:** ill be there soon

 **adorably bamf husband:** i just have to finish up this meeting 

**sexy leader husband:** ok <3

 **sexy leader husband:** wait you were talking to all of us during a meeting????

 **adorably bamf husband:** im still paying attention dont worry

 **adorably bamf husband:** you know im a remarkable multitasker

 **adorably bamf husband:** its why im your best advisor and second hand ;)

 **sexy leader husband:** heh dont i know it ;)

 **sexy leader husband:** hey

 **adorably bamf husband:** hm?

 **sexy leader husband:** i love you

 **adorably bamf husband:** i love you too <3

 **sexy leader husband:** maybe we are a little sappy

 **adorably bamf husband:** nah theyre just jealous

 **adorably bamf husband:** im gonna try to add us back in the group chat

 **sexy leader husband:** alright :)

_PM with Nines_

**Connor:** hey

 **Connor:** hey

 **Connor:** you

 **Connor:** you

 **Connor:** you brat

 **Connor:** sixty nines

 **Connor:** nineeeees

 **Nines:** What the fuck is it??

 **Connor:** add us back bitch

 **Nines:** Why the fuck would I?

 **Connor:** cause like the great big brother that i am 

**Connor:** i promise not to tell them about your not so well hidden crush on simon

 **Nines:** … 

**Nines:** I don’t--.

 **Nines:** I hate you. 

**Connor:** i love you too <3

_(Connor has changed Nines’ name to sixty nines)_

**sixty nines:** You’re a child.

 **Connor:** :)

_(sixty nines has changed Connor’s name to Outdated Prototype)_

**Outdated Prototype:** :0

 **Outdated Prototype:** this is why hank doesnt fucking love you

_PM with sexy leader husband_

**adorably bamf husband:** i got it :)

 **sexy leader husband:** i knew you could do it babe

_the sluts™ of jericho_

_(Nines has added Connor and Markus to the conversation)_

_(Connor has changed their name to adorable cinnamon roll)_

_(Markus has changed their name to sexy sinnamon roll)_

**adorable cinnamon roll:** the power couple of jericho is back bitches

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** ^^^^^^^

 **north is the Queen™:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** NINES??? OF ALL PEOPLE??

 **Simon:** what happened to the greater good???

 **Nines:** I’m sorry. I was blackmailed. 

**sexy sinnamon roll:** this is what happens when you kick us out

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** you cant get rid of us so easily

 **north is the Queen™:** dammit nines

_(north is the Queen™ has changed Nines’ name to weakling)_

**weakling:** I wouldn’t call this fair.

 **weakling:** Also I’m the most advanced model here. This doesn’t make sense. 

**north is the Queen™:** still weak

 **Simon:** north thats rude

 **north is the Queen™:** im right tho

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** hEY only i can call my brother a weakling

_(adorable cinnamon roll has changed weakling’s name to Nines)_

**Nines:** Thank you. You actually did something nice for once.

 **north is the Queen™:** ugh

_(adorable cinnamon roll has changed Nines’ name to weakling)_

**adorable cinnamon roll:** there :)

 **weakling:** I spoke too soon. 

**north is the Queen™:** asldjfsld

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** wow

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** now simon is the only one without a nickname

 **Simon:** i dont need one thanks 

**north is the Queen™:** dont be boring si

 **Simon:** just simon is good enough for me

 **north is the Queen™:** YAWN

_(north is the Queen™ has changed Simon’s name to its just boring simon)_

**sexy sinnamon roll:** n o r t h

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** SLDFJSDF

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** ra9 pls save me

 **its just boring simon:** why do you bully me?? I didnt do anything???

 **north is the Queen™:** exactly

 **north is the Queen™:** suits you perfectly 

**weakling:** That’s mean, North. 

**north is the Queen™:** mhmm defend your boyfriend later

 **weakling:** I--

 **its just boring simon:** fuck you north 

**weakling:** It isn’t like that. I assure you. 

**adorable cinnamon roll:** weeeeeeell

 **weakling:** Connor, you fucking promised.

 **its just boring simon:** promised what??

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** fine fine i wont say anything :)

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** ????????

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** oh

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** o h

 **weakling:** Markus, don’t. 

**its just boring simon:** im confused

 **weakling:** It’s nothing, Si.

 **north is the Queen™:** both of you are oblivious idiots

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** north pls dont

 **north is the Queen™:** …

 **north is the Queen™:** fine

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** thanks

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** :))))

 **north is the Queen™:** fuck off

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** i didnt say anything nines dlfjsd

 **weakling:** You better not. 

**adorable cinnamon roll:** weakling, dont threaten the love of my life

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** :’D

 **weakling:** Ugh.

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** speaking of the loml, my meeting is done

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** im finally coming home 

**sexy sinnamon roll:** :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** FINALLYYYY

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** <3 <3

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** <3 <3

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** …

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** ok i can admit

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** you guys are kinda cute 

**sexy sinnamon roll:** THANK YOU JOSH

 **north is the Queen™:** I TOLD YOU YOU’D GET USED TO IT

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** finally, hes come to the dark side

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** come to the dark side we have cookies

 **weakling:** Oh no, they took Josh. 

**its just boring simon:** i dont understand any of you 

**north is the Queen™:** only simon and nines arent on the dark side

 **north is the Queen™:** how interestinggggg

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** northhhhhhhh

 **its just boring simon:** im done with you guys i wanna leave

 **north is the Queen™:** not yet cOWARD

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** NORTH

 **weakling:** North, I’m begging. 

**adorable cinnamon roll:** well im home now so you guys can keep doing whatever while i spend some quality time with my husband

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** you are???

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** oh i see you :D

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** that was scarily fast

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** bye bitches

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** come on husband <3

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** <3 <3

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** bye sluts

_(adorable cinnamon roll went offline)_

_(sexy sinnamon roll went offline)_

**north is the Queen™:** they GONNA FUCK

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** TMI

 **weakling:** If anything, they’re just going to cuddle. 

**joshy boi is Tired™:** et tu nines??? et tu?

 **north is the Queen™:** how would you know???

 **weakling:** Connor tends to talk about how much he loves cuddling with Markus when we visit Hank. Thankfully, he doesn’t talk about intimate matters. But he still talks too much. 

**weakling:** Hank kicks us out earlier than expected. 

**its just boring simon:** wow

 **weakling:** However, I suspect he does that on purpose just to fuck with us. 

**north is the Queen™:** he definitely would

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** theres only so much i can handle in one day 

**joshy boi is Tired™:** imma say peace 

**north is the Queen™:** waiiiiit

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** what is it 

**north is the Queen™:** come to the ice skating rink with me

 **north is the Queen™:** i want to verse you in a game of hockey

 **north is the Queen™:** i want to see you lose

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** oH IT IS ON NORTH

 **north is the Queen™** : LETS GO THEN PUSSY

 **joshy boi is Tired™:** LETS DO THIS

_(joshy boi is Tired™ went offline)_

**north is the Queen™:** fuck yeah

_(north is the Queen™ went offline)_

**its just boring simon:** now its just the two of us

 **weakling:** Uh, yes, it is. 

**its just boring simon:** well

 **its just boring simon:** im gonna go too

 **weakling:** Yes, me too. 

**its just boring simon:** yea uh i got some stuff to do

 **weakling:** I understand.

 **its just boring simon:** ok 

**its just boring simon:** bye nines :)

 **weakling:** Bye, Si.

_(its just boring simon went offline)_

**weakling:** I’m a mess.

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** why yes you are

 **weakling:** Connor??? What the fuck??

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** sorry i told him not to

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** i just wanted to take a peek ;)

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** can we go back to the movie now pls

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** of course :D

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** :D

 **weakling:** Why are you still talking like this? Aren’t you sitting next to each other?

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** more like cuddling ;)

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** love pls 

**adorable cinnamon roll:** sorry <3

 **adorable cinnamon roll:** ok we can continue :)

 **sexy sinnamon roll:** :)

_(sexy sinnamon roll went offline)_

_(adorable cinnamon roll went offline)_

**weakling:** Ugh.

_(weakling went offline)_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :D
> 
> I might add more? Idk we'll see!
> 
> come hang with me on tumblr: thedeviantleaders.tumblr.com


End file.
